...about my funeral, that is. This will be he most important event of my life, besides my birth (obviously). Some may find this morbid, but I just find it practical and thought-provoking. One thing is for damn sure, this funeral is sure to be the best funeral ever. The event of the season if you will. Anyone who is anyone will be there.
I guess it was not only Hurricane Sandy that sparked these thoughts but also a news article I read earlier this week. It was an article about this dude whose family thought he was dead and they were holding a funeral for him at their house. Much to their surprise, he showed up mid-funeral, and was all... "HELLO? I'm alive assholes!"
That is seriously epic. I would love to be at a funeral like that. I especially enjoy the part where they say people were running away in fear.
I want to be remembered for my wisdom and grace. Therefore, I want Snoop Dogg to speak at my funeral. For there is no one wiser and no one greater than Snoop.
Okay, all of this is great and everything but we all know why people go to funerals. THE FOOD...HELLO! At my funeral I want there to be the finest cuisine.
And by fine cuisine, of course I mean noms noms like White Castle and McDonald's. Duh. The classiest food for the classiest lady around booboos. ~~
Alrighty then! I want you all to prepare for the supposed end of the world wisely. Firstly, everyone must make sweet, passionate love to that special someone for the last time.
Make sure you tell him how much you love him girls! Ya know, say something nice.
Secondly, tell off all of your haters. Grudges must be kept to the death. Forgiveness is for the ignorant, my fine feathered hoes.
Thirdly, sit back, relax and get ready to be blown to shreds.
Okay now, no one be a hero. Stay safe. Feel free to crawl up in the fetal position in the corner, that is where I will be until further notice. Electricity, I love you, it's been real. Running water, I love you too. You have quenched my thirst and cleansed my body but now we must part ways.
If this is my last post...I love you all (unless I hate you)