Sunday, September 28, 2014

A Hug a Day

The issue that I am about to speak of is very rarely discussed. Although I have found very few who share my sentiments, it is hard to believe that I am among the minority who can go the rest of their life without hugging another human being and be completely content, nay, ELATED by the thought of this.
There is not much literature about those who just do not want to hug other human beings twenty-four, seven. Now, do not get me wrong, there is a time and a place that I find that hugs are not completely repulsive and vomit inducing. These occasions, however, are not as often as our very ignorant society wants us to believe.
For so long, so many people have tried to make me feel like I was the one with the "problem." For so long, people tried to convince me that I had some kind of "intimacy" issue (gross, who the fuck says intimacy anyways? I hate myself for even typing the word). For so long, people have insisted on psychoanalyzing my desire to not be touched by people who I am not either: A) related to or B) good friends with or C) fucking (and even then, I think if we are fucking, a hug is pretty damn unnecessary).
...disturbing. That was hard to watch.

Oh, she was probably not hugged enough when she was a child. Oh, she was probably hugged too much as a child. Oh, she must of had a traumatizing experience with hugs that she has repressed all of these years. Oh, she must be some kind of serial killer or, even worse, a REPUBLICAN. I have heard it all, people.

The truth of the matter is, hugs are silly and they are often forced intimacy. Neither party wishes all that much to take part in the hug, but they feel like they can not leave the room unless they have followed a certain protocol.

Hugs also set up a new platform for judgment. Constantly I find myself in front of a judge and jury of my peers, pointing out the shortcomings of my embraces. "You hugged too tight," "You didn't hug tight enough," "You need to tap my back three times, not two," "Don't grab my butt, that's sexual assault," these are just some of the frivolous complaints that I have no time for.

You know that age-old scenario where you are out with your friend and your friend runs into a "close friend" of theirs who you have never met before and who happens to be with some other "close friends" who you have never met before. Well, after some friendly conversation, when it is time to leave, your friend (a serial hugger) decides to begin the hugging ceremony, not leaving until each and every one of these people receives a proper hug. Where does that leave you? Yup, you guessed it, forced into the hugging ceremony yourself. There you are, expected to hug complete and utter strangers for no good reason. Who needs enemies when you have THAT kind of a friend? This is why I do not leave my house anymore... because of people like this.
Now, you would think that once the secret is out about your distaste for hugging, things would get better, right? WRONG! People just LOVE to talk about how you hate hugging and it ACTUALLY makes you more desirable to hug. People want to hug the unwilling, it is just a fact.

Unavailability is the most desirable trait in any woman or man. People always want to hug what they can not have.

Then, there is the constant task of coaxing other people's fears and insecurities, to convince them that it is not that you are not hugging them because they are disgusting. You try to convince them that it is you who has the problem, not them! The classic, "it's not you, it's me."

Well, guess what, assholes! It's not me, it's fucking you! A hearty handshake should fucking do the trick. A passionate and heartfelt high-five is just as valuable as any hug.
Open your mind and close your arms for crying out loud! See something from my perspective for once!


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