Here is my list of the 36 celebrities I have made sweet, passionate love to.
After his recent Academy award win, who do you think was there with open legs?
Steve Buscemi is a very giving lover, I will have you know. He knows what a woman wants in the bedroom.
Hey, do not knock him 'til you try him, ladies.
This was actually a really funny story. We met at the library. It was the oddest, oddest thing. Channing was, like, deep into reading A Tale of Two Cities (or was it See Spot Run? I can't remember), and I happened to have been searching a nearby section for some literature on genital warts. We had this palpable deep, emotional connection, so I obviously took to blowing him in the Young Adult section. We then consummated our love later on that night while watching his finest work, Step Up 1.
Total douche. Small weiner. But has really, really fluffy pillows. I never did get the name of the brand.
It all kind of killed the mood, to be frank.
Let's just say, Fitty kept all of his promises. He took me to the candy shop AND he even let me lick the lollipop.
I would say that Cesar was a decent lover. However, I would have liked a little more variety. He (strangely) was strictly a "doggy-style only" kinda guy. Cesar, you are probably taking the whole "dog whisperer" thing a litttttle too seriously.
Boning all of the men from Nicholas Spark's cheesy movies/books was just not enough for me. I craved more. I needed more. So, I went right to the source and banged Nicholas Sparks himself.
He also does not have any gifs on the internet.
He will deny everything but I had that. Yup, Monica Lewinky's sloppy seconds. Proud of it, bids. Hillary even gave me her blessing.
He even bought me a Big Mac. I bet he NEVER did that with Lindsay.
This was right around the time that I bagged Paula Dean, actually. I was on a Food Network kick. I would say as far as lovers go, Paula Dean was definitely my better choice.
All 5 One Directioners
Stop being a pervert, it was not all at the same time! I am a lady, dammit.
Not to blow up his spot, but let's just say that Harry Styles has an elbow fetish.
But then again, who has not been there?
This was during my experimental phase. I also was trying to learn a little bit more about string theory. We made a deal: one lesson about string theory in exchange for 2.5 over-the-pants hand jobs. Good times.
Ever have hate sex? I have.
This was during my acid phase. This sexual endeavor really bit me in the butt. Long story short, but basically I was high as fuck and I mistook Tinky-Winky for my then-boyfriend, Teddy. It was not until the next morning when I turned over that I realized that I done-goofed big time. Needless to say, my boyfriend and I are no longer together.
It was right after the Thanksgiving parade of 2011. I was young, stupid and bored of the floats.
I actually do not even remember this. I was completely blacked out but my friends told me I went home with her, after meeting her at some bar in Brooklyn. Sorry, Katie, I am sure you were great.
My grandest accomplishment. Forget all the others. Roger was truly the one who got away. We made love like they did in The Notebook. I hope that one day we can die at the exact same moment like Noah and Ally did too. Oh, Roger!
...and I refuse to believe that he did not love it.
Okay, he definitely did not love it.
Let's just say it ended with him in tears.
Air Bud (almost)
He licked my hand once. I am not sure if that counts. I am gonna count it.
He WOULDN'T stop texting me. Total clinger.
The hotter one of the Bush brothers. Now HE is a man with a weapon of mass destruction. He should tell his brother that I finally found 'em!
Michael Lohan (Lindsay Lohan's brother)
Apparently Michael Lohan does not have any gifs either (lame). This happened many years ago, back when I went to school in good ol' Ithaca, NY.
We made love to Dave Matthews music all night long. It was absolutely repulsive.
Sexy times, my good bids. Sexy times, indeed.